Everything Has Changed
by CrazyBowtieGirl
Summary: Matt. Smart, Sexy, 11th Doctor, Smith. and she. Jenna, average, unworthy, companion, Coleman. He's perfect in every way for her, but she never realizes, always shunning the feelings, with bitter resentment. Until, He shows up at her door step, half drunk, and things head toward a different direction, before she can say "Doctor? Doctor Who?"and just like that Everything Has Changed.
1. Chapter 1

**I OWN NOTHING BUT THE PLOT, ALL DOCTOR WHO RELATEDNESS BELONG TO BBC! I DO NOT OWN JENNA LOUISE COLEMAN. AND I REGRET TO INFORM YOU BUT I ****_SADLY _****DO NOT OWN MATT SMITH **

**ALLONS-Y!**

**Chapter 1: Hold Me In Your Arms Again **

**Clara's POV**

"...and CUT!" shouted Steven Moffat, as we messed up in our scene once again. Or rather how I screwed the whole thing up...again. We were filming for the Name of The Doctor, and I don't know but with Matt standing there looking at me with those eyes, I just couldn't seem to remember anything about Clara, but only about those eyes, but they weren't sincere in my mind, they were dark and almost wild, greedily devouring every inch of my body, as he looked down on me before-

"Damn it Jenna, snap out it!" I whisper yelled to myself. I couldn't think of Matt like that. Not Now, not in the daytime, when I'm up and around him. And certainly not when we were filming. But then again, my brain always seemed to have ideas of its own and here I was getting yelled at by Steven Moffat for ruining his doctor who baby, not just "another episode", but probably one of the "most anticipated shows in the world" and I was screwing it up.

It was almost comical really, and I knew from the corner of my eye that Matt was trying not to laugh or grin at least a little bit. If this had been the first time we messed up, we'd even have made it a contest on who could keep the straightest face. Matt had been winning these past times, I couldn't be near him without a warm sensation filling the bottom of my stomach. but that didn't necessarily meant that I liked it. I was always trying to squash it down during the day, hating myself for reacting this way, so vulnerable and for him, crushing myself because i knew the feelings would always come back in the depths of the nights, I indirectly traced the bags under my eyes. I couldn't even sleep without him invading my dreams, making me scream my name as I tumbled over and over into oblivion under him, only to wake up in a panting sweaty mess realizing that I'd been dreaming.

Why did he have to haunt me? This mad, beautiful, hilarious, and clumsy boy. Sure, only in the second episode in which we had worked together the writers made us kiss each other and that might've been some incentive, both of us awkwardly agreeing during interviews that it was mutually our favorite scene. I remembered when Matt started talking about it, I could never imagine someone could find so many ways to say how good the snog was. I liked to let him do the talking in those types of interviews, knowing very well that the fans hung off his every word, that and it was amusing beyond anything I've seen.

"...Lets just take one last shot, before heading out. You hear that Jenna? ONE. LAST. CHANCE" Moffat concluded, muttering to himself as he went back behind the camera, giving the motion for action.

"Doctor? Doctor! Please! Please! I don't know where I am.?" I cried, my voice hysterics as I wandered aimlessly, collapsing as the heat around me supposedly got to me.  
"Clara. You can hear me. I know you can." His voice was tense, and caring

"I can't see you." I said again.

"I'm everywhere. You're inside my time stream. Everything around you is me. " His voice was calmer now, soothing almost.

"I can see you. All your different faces are here."

"Those are my ghosts, my past. Every good day, every bad day." Matt said, his voice

"What's wrong? What's happening?" I say now, my voice higher and scared. They'd add the special effects later, so I knew I had to overdo it… at least a little bit.

"I'm inside my own time stream. It's collapsing in on itself" Matt yelled, and I knew this was my cue to start crying. The tears flew almost naturally.

"Well get out then!" I yelled back, like I've wanted to scream to him for the past week. Get out! Out of my brain, out of my heart, out of those dreams that leave me wanting for so much more.

Leave. I'm an unworthy girl, not pretty enough, never will be, just leave me Matt. It won't work out. The change in my voice was unfortunately obvious, and I saw Matt indirectly flinch back. Another tear slid down my face. I hoped Moffat liked this. I don't think I could do it again.

"Not until I've got you." Matt said, louder than me, recovering from my sharp verbal attack.

"I don't even know who I am." My voice was helpless, and my words held a grain of truth to them. I didn't know who I was around him. Clara or Jenna? All I know is I wish I wasn't really me. Somehow every time I acted like Clara, I had this new side to me. Sure I could be smart and sassy at times, but that side of me came out best with the Doctor by my side.

"You're my impossible girl. I'm sending you something. Not from my past, from yours. {the leaf floats down} This is you, Clara. Everything you are or will be. Take it. You blew into the world on this leaf. Hold tight. It will take you home." I grabbed the leaf that was now on the ground. I tried not to think about the words _my impossible girl, my impossible, my, my, mymymymymy…_

"Clara, Clara, come up. Come up to me now. You can do it, I know you can. "His voice was borderline desperate now, hands reaching out to me, but not making the distance. The ground was shaking under us and his time stream was about to collapse.

"How?" I questioned my voice sad and alone. Exactly the kind of emotion , which fueled the doctor's outburst. The one that made me love the Doctor, or was it Matt? so very much.

"Because it's impossible and you're my impossible girl. How many times have you saved me, Clara?" I stepped a bit closer. His voice was rushed and desperate and loving and kind.

" Just this once, just for the hell of it, let me save you. You have to trust me, Clara, I'm real." I stepped just within his distance.

His voice, it was everything I'd want someone to say to me. If he could save me, the doctor. If it was real.

But it wasn't, was it?

" Just one more step. Clara! My Clara! Oh!" He exclaimed, as I fell into his arms. I was sobbing now, my chest heaving up and down, the tears streaming down my face, as his strong and firm frame wrapped around mine, a slight kiss on my forehead telling me it was time to look up.

Matt then went off on some timelord jargon about Trenzalore and other timey wimey stuff about the show, things that I'd usually pay attention to, but these days I'd rather just watch his face, a smile almost naturally coming to my face. My tears were gone now, as I watched the "Doctor" in his element.  
"...Come on Clara. We have to go my Impossible girl," he whispered, his sturdy but lean arms wrapping around my tiny frame, lifting me up as we walked towards the supposedly exit of Trenzalore or wherever this place was. I was pretty sure it mentioned in the script, I'd probably have to ask Matt about it later, he was a complete nerd on everything Whovian.

I surrounded myself in Matt's arms, him saying the same impossible words about his impossible girl, just as the lights went out and Steven Moffat shouted "...CUT!" This time a gleeful satisfaction evident in his voice, I let myself sag a bit in Matt's arms; my eyes fluttering close for just a few seconds. Today had been a long day of shooting, and to say I was exhausted was the least of my worries.  
I felt a slight hand graze a stray hair away from my face, and my eyes flew open. I saw a smiling, slightly cheeky, Matt smith staring back at me, with his brightly green-brown eyes, the colors swirling together to create the unique shade that I would always remember as only his, only my Matthew smith-

"Not yours!" Hissed the voice in my head, and I held back a wince, my smile fading. I shifted to sit up and move away from Matt, but since he was still holding me, our faces ended up kissing distance apart, his warm breath making me gasp. Then he was leaning in, and it felt like a beautiful nightmare. He didn't deserve me, he deserved so much more, I thought but my mind was blanking out now as his face started to come closer, the cheekiest look on his eyes and I would have let him take me right then and there, and millimeters away now and my heart raced as his-

-Nose bumped against mine and he laughed at my blushing my confused expression.

"Matt?" I asked, moving away from him now, putting almost a foot between us now; My feet shaking as I stood up. This was getting worse and worse. Soon just his hello would make my knees into jelly.

"That's how cats greet each other! They bump noses." He said proudly, the cutest smile on his lips.

Lips.  
Lips.  
God his lips.

-I mentally slapped myself before going back to the conversation-

"Did I remind you of a cat Matt?" I asked teasingly, a smile on my face. Why was I flirting with him?

"Yes you kinda did?" He answered sheepishly, a charade I knew, though clumsy as hell he was one of the most confident people I knew. And that was just one of the many things I love-

You don't love him, Jenna. I reminded myself again for the 100th time.

"Well that's nice to know." I have him a weak smile, turning back to leave to my dressing room. But I warm hand around my wrist stopped me.

"Jenna, I was thinking, i know it's been a long day of shooting and well Arthur, Karen, and I were going to meet up at this new bar downtown and I'd really like it, I was wondering if. You'd want to come?" He asked an easy grin on his face, despite the tentativeness of his words.

Yes.  
Yes.  
Yes.  
A thousand times yes my heart shouted.

"I'd love to Matt but, I can't. It's late and I'm too tired to party right now." I attempted to laugh it off. His face crumpled into a look of confusion and rejection, and I wanted to hurt myself, but if I was with Matt in the presence of Alcohol, I would not be able to keep my hands to myself. I'd want him and I'd need him like air. Besides, I hadn't been to a party in forever, and was hardly dressed for one.

When was the last time I listened to my heart?

"Please, can't you make an exception?" He asked again, he really wanted me to come...why? The thought disappeared as quickly as it came and I turned away from Matt.

"Maybe you can take someone else, I know Rhea from costume design would love to go." I mumbled.

"Yeah maybe" his crisp voice spoke.

"Goodnight Matt" I whispered, as my feet dragged me back to my dressing room. I thought he'd turn out and leave, in frustration. But he paused enough to deliver the worst of the blows.

"Goodnight Clara." His voice rang out, and I choked on a sob.

Clara  
Clara  
Clara  
If only I were her,  
If only I was his impossible girl.

-  
**Next chapter coming soon *fingers crossed* PLEASE REVIEW your opinions matter more than my heart 3**

-Margo


	2. Trying To Make It Change (Ch 1 half)

_A/N: Hello Whouffle Puffs or Whovians or Just Passing By Readers! I want to make this quick and short, but knowing me I doubt that will happen. First and foremost, __**THANK YOU FOR ALL THOSE WHO REVIEWED,**__ special thanks going out to __**Oswinsmith**__ for being the first one to tell me what she thought of this 3 I would like to dedicate this half chapter to her and ANONABELLE, whose constructive review helped me write this! Seriously, __**ANONABELLE, You are my savior right now**__. I didn't even think about what you wrote, like you said, "your imagination filled the gaps" , and this is basically what came to be. I hope you keep on reviewing/commenting as I greatly appreciate your insight! __**By the angel, I appreciate anyone who comments/reviews!**__ Anywho, on with the story! __since this is an half chapter its pretty short! sorry about that!_

**CHAPTER 1.5: I've Been Trying to Make It Change**

_And all the tears  
All the lies  
All the waste  
I've been trying to make it change_

It had been a long day of rehearsals, as she went back to her dressing room, holding off the tears just as she shut the door quickly behind her. She hadn't cried in a while, always telling herself that she was stronger than that; Stronger than the past that still haunted her, despite her new start on Doctor Who. It wasn't always like this for Jenna, she wasn't always so bitter about herself; and she hadn't been too, until the past two years.

Jenna Louis Coleman was a brilliant actress, and everyone knew it, and she did too, ever since she landed her first acting job on soap on TV at the young age of 19. With the leading role, she became well known across the network, and was even nominated for several awards. Yet, the time came when the show shut down, and she moved on to other things. "Better things!" she'd told her 21 year old self. She could afford to be optimist back then, and she was right for a while. She was able to work on more soaps, but then years passed, and those shows ended and she was out of a work for a while. It shouldn't be bad, it was a small break after all, just a year or two. She was young too, only 24 years old.

So that rough patch of not finding to do what she loved was a bit depressing, but not as much as her stay in LA. Auditioning over and over again, only to have people tell her that she was "good" but not _good enough. _She tried to go out and make friends, but the only guys she met wanted to get in her skirts, and the posh, skinny as heck, LA girls wanted nothing more to do with her. Now, she knew that maybe it was just because she was single and young and unemployed things seemed to be bad, but really it was in that time she started to judge herself.

_I'm Fat. _She lost a lot of weight; to see if that'll make a difference

_I'm too short_. She only wore flats on rare occasions, always making sure to wear wedges and heels despite the pain her feet were in at times.

_I'm too plain. _Natural beauty just won't work will it? She never went anywhere without her makeup bag.

_I talk too much. _Quiet Jenna, nobody wants to hear you.

And the list when on and on and on. Her confidence was falling, her spirit fading, and who else to save her but… a boy? She met him at a bar, and he was different, or seemed different anyway. An easy smile, the charm that radiated off of him was infectious and she wanted to be his. Or she thought she did at the time. How could she have known? He was beautiful, so beautiful, and smart and clever, and told her she was his everything, and she'd fallen-so hard, her insecurities seeming to disappear when she was in his company. He told her she wasn't fat. He told her she was adorable and perfect for her height. He could listen to her talk for hours. He… He…

_He was her biggest nightmare. _

The backs of her hands pressed down on her eyes, until all she could see was dark circles spiraling, willing the pain to go away.

_I will not think about him. I will not think about him. I will not think about him._

She repeated this mantra in her head, willing the memories to go away. Even the happy ones seemed to sting, and she was so glad that she'd left LA in such a rush, finishing that Marvel movie and running. Running everywhere away from him, praying she would never meet a man like him again, the one that made her blood rush just by a simple smile, the one whose eyes seemed like they could piece her back together, the one who wouldn't laugh at the scars.

She traced over them now, pulling her skirt up, the faint lines crisscrossing her thighs; tears threatening to spill again.

No, it was true; she hadn't met a man like her biggest nightmare, ever since then. Not until, she got that call to act with a much loved, tweed jacket wearing, bowties-are-cool saying, crazy, irresistible, clumsy boy.

_I will not fall for him I will not let him tear me apart again I WILL NOT FALL FOR HIM_

"Too Bad I already did", she whispered, surrendering herself to the greatest and terribleness feeling of her, known as her heart.

_I don't know where to go now, I got nowhere to hide  
Nowhere to go, nowhere to be  
I don't know where to go now, I got nowhere to be_

* * *

*THE words at the beginning are from "I need your love" by Ellie Goulding and the words at the end are from "the wanderlust" by Metric.* (THANK YOU FOR #WHOUFFLE ON TUMBLR FOR INSPIRATION)

**ANNND GUYS YOU HAVE TO WATCH THIS VIDEO I found it on tumblr and really, its all whouffley and amazing. And the song is just brilliant:** post/56782134146/thegirlwiththegoldenscarf-another -little-thing

(that's my tumblr if your wondering^) It really helped me write and kind of I guess, shows a little bit on where I want this story to go… no spoilers or anything, just a little insight. I'll try to get Chapter 2 up soon, I basically typed this little thing to give more of an insight on clara's feelings because we won't be hearing from her until Chapter 3! (yes this is Alternating POVS!) **AND AS ALWAYS, I would ****_LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE _****to hear what you think of this :) REVIEW! And I'll bake you metaphorical cookie !**

**-Margo **


	3. Wanna Know You Better Now (Ch 2 Pt One)

**_*SCREAMS* OH MY GOD 600 VIEWS IN 2 DAYS?! TELL ME I'M DREAMING. *Faints* _Thank you guys so much! **

**_I OWN NOTHING OF DOCTOR WHO, BBC DOES. I DO NOT OWN JENNA LOUISE COLEMAN AND MATT SMITH. IF I DID, HALF OF THE WHOUFFLE FANFICS ON HERE WOULD REAL AND THE #WHOUFFLE TAG ON TUMBLR WOULD BE TWICE AS LARGE. _**

C**HAPTER 2 PART 1 (-see note below) **

**I Just Wanna Know You Better Now**

**Matt's POV**

Today had been filled a strenuous scene that we were shooting, one that involved a lot of Clara and Doctor action, though not in the way your dirty mind just thought you naughty rascal. Moffat was on set, and though I loved the guy, he could be such a control freak sometimes, and was always harder on the companions than me. That would explain why he was currently mouthing off Jenna who was standing solemnly in front of me. She looked tired, as was I, but the bags under her eyes seemed to have grown as we had started filming the last episodes or so. Was it the stress of being part of such a highly acclaimed TV show? The first year is always the hardest; the fans can either love or break you. I was lucky enough for them to love me beyond my wildest dreams. There are rumors that I'm almost as popular as David Tennant.

I saw Jenna glance at me from the corner of her eye, and a small smile appeared on my face. Moffat was still ranting about how this was it, this was "THE finale" and if this was screwed up, there goes the chances of having a successful 50th Anniversary Special. I gulp formed in my throat. I couldn't believe I only had two more episodes left in my journey as the Doctor. I straightened my bowtie, in hopes to alleviate the depth of the immutable fact.

I saw Moffat about to give the go signal for the scene to start. I saw him angrily glare at Jenna, as if a warning and I saw her square her shoulders, getting into character. The lights dimmed and the scene began.

We ran through the motions, my emotions contorting into the Doctor's, the lines flowing naturally. I loved playing the doctor, because I had such a freedom to do what I wanted to him, so it could look and feel unplanned or improvised but deep inside, I always knew I was in control.

Jenna and I, undeniably, had a chemistry perfect for Clara and the Doctor, and I think that was the best part of this season. When Kaz left, I swear a part of kind of broke down. She was one of the most perfect people to work with, and I really did cry buckets when she turned around and faced the angel. Arthur was already off set, and so I had a moment for just her and me, and we'd hugged and I was telling her that she better not change or forget me. Or _forget that night _was I really wanted to say. She just laughed and sniffed, telling me that I'd soon forget about her both ways, almost like she knew, a sad smile on her face, and then Arthur was on set and we were all sobbing like the world had ended.

I had missed them, true enough, a lot during my independent filming of the Christmas Special. I missed, glorious Amelia Pond telling me that "Bowties aren't cool" and Rory following after her like an obedient husband, their happiness affecting me, as we ran through the scenes. They had been such a chunk of my life, and now they were gone. I had missed them so much in those few early days. Just like they showed the Doctor had.

But then I met Clara.

Or rather the Doctor did and the chemistry, the frequency between them was so obvious, even those who didn't watch the show knew that they were witnessing something close to being called love. And did he love her, his impossible girl. Jenna was like no one I had worked before, and _trust me, _I had done some pretty weird things and worked with some interesting people in my business. I knew she had secrets. I could tell easily, whenever I asked about her past, a look of guarding past over her eyes, and the subject was avoided with vague answers. She was a different kind of person, and was obviously passionate about the job just as I was, and we'd bonded almost at once. Hell, it was one of the very reasons why Moffat cast her in the first place- "She worked great with Matt _and _can talk faster than him". I never heard the end of that one, not that I minded, a teasing Jenna can practically make my heart leap out of my chest. As I played with his character, practicing with Jenna after hours, during lunch breaks, both of us laughing and crying over the genius script the writers kept throwing at us, I realized that _maybe_….

…the doctor and I weren't so different at all.

….And maybe, given time and the late night calls, shared afternoons, and so much talk over various take-outs …

Just like him, _I'd found my impossible girl, _

…The one whose eyes I could light up easily on set like the doctor, and off set, with a remark.

Not Clara, but Jenna.

_Jenna Louise- Coleman, My Impossible Girl. _

_And I, her loving doctor_, only if she'd have me, that is. And I thought she did too, we had been growing so close, especially after filming "Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS", walking everywhere hand held in hand, she didn't seem to mind, though denied we were a couple if anyone asked, just like me. We were comfortable with each other, in ways that I had never felt with anyone before. Not with Daisy (my recent ex), not even with Kaz, with Jenna life could be a loopy roller coaster but also a serene walk through the park. We could be compatible, and even though it was risk to our friendship, this bond that we had formed, I was more than willing to take the Doctor and Clara relationship out into the real world.

But now I wasn't so sure. Or rather _she _wasn't so sure.

This past week or so, right after she'd slept over at my house, she seemed to be…distant. It's not like we even did anything! It was just a friendly, cuddly, lets-pretend-to-work-on-the-script-but-watch-romco ms-instead, because I knew romantic comedies made her happy; and if Jenna was happy, so was I. The evening had been brilliant, even though instead of hot chocolate and ice cream, we ate French take out (that includes soufflés J) and drank wine; though the both of us might've downed more than just a few bottles. Sure we'd been giddy with alcohol, but what kind of man would I be if I pulled one on her? We both fell asleep in each other's arms, happy and content or at least I was. I wake up the next morning, alone on the sofa, with a post-it note on my forehead, a hurried scribble:

_Hey Matt,_

_I'm sorry but I really had to go, I'm not… feeling that well. Probably ate too many soufflés last night J_

_See you later,_

_Cl- __Jenna_

I didn't suspect anything then, in fact laughed at how she almost signed it "Clara." _Oh My Impossible Girl, _I'd thought as I got ready for the next day of shooting. I thought everything would be fine, but it obviously really wasn't. She seemed more distant from me in a long time, but only I could tell, and even then I wasn't sure at first. Jenna Louise-Coleman the master of disguise, talking to me like usual, flirting just as well, but her eyes. I've stared into those eyes long enough to know when something isn't right.

Those dark brown eyes, like melted chocolate, which I could simply drown in, were screaming at me; Silent words that made their way to her bow-like mouth, the pressure of them catching me off guard.

"Well get out then!" she yelled, her eyes watering, tears falling down her face. The crying was part of the scene, but the way her voice cracked at the word out, led me to believe that things were different. This wasn't Clara anymore; this was a part of Jenna. The part she hid, the unknown mystery, "the only puzzle worth solving".

I didn't even realize this until the scene ended, the crew packed up and left, and I was still standing here, _am _still standing here, after Jenna rejected me for a night out. She never said no to night outs with me.

"_Maybe it has to do with Karen and Arthur?" _My brain tried to soothe down my rising paranoia, Jenna did like to hog me all to herself and had only worked with Kaz and Arthur once.

"_But maybe she realized that she doesn't want to be more than friends" _Spit out the less nice part of me. I tried not to wince.

"_Maybe she's just tired Matt; Just needs some alone time. Girls need rest you know?" _I wanted to believe that so desperately. I didn't know, and I just couldn't stand this, _NOT KNOWING. _I wanted to storm into her dressing room and push her against the door, kissing her senseless, not letting her go _ever _until she told me what was wrong. I couldn't let go. Of this feeling . Of her smile. Of her, Jenna Louise Coleman, My Impossible Girl, in general.

I just couldn't let go, and I understood that now, finally forcing myself to walk out the front door.

The _thing _was though,

_She might already have. _

…

**Hello Sweeties! ****_Quick change of plans! _****We won't be hearing from Jenna until Chapter 4! Because I'm splitting Chapter 2 into two parts because it's pretty long, and I have a lot to cover inside it! So techinically we won't see Jenna until Chapter 3 for me because I guess this is chapter 2- PART 1. I have written about ½ of the second part of Chapter 2 and will upload it during this week, or next week. CHECK MY PROFILE TO SEE UPDATES FOR WHEN I'LL BE PUTTING IT ONLINE AND OTHER UPDATES ON MY WRITING! Thank you for sticking with me! See you in a few! **

***AS ALWAYS REVIEWS/FOLLOWS/FAVORITES/PMs ARE ALWAYS APPRECIATED!* I love you all 3**

**-Margo**

**(sorry this was so short, it was either post at least this, or y'all would have to wait for who knows how long for me to finish the other half! My school starts next week too so ACK yeah, I'm trying my best here guys!)**


	4. All I know is a Simple Name (Ch2 Pt Two)

**CHAPTER 2 PART 2 (or Chapter 3, whatever lifts your skirts): ALL I KNOW IS A SIMPLE NAME**

**Still MATT's POV**

I reached the Lemon Bar fairly easily, it was a new location, calm and loud at the same time, and I was late, so the traffic was easy. I glanced at my phone, seeing several missed calls from Arthur and 5 texts from Kaz, as I stepped into the hipster bar.

_Matt, I hope you didn't forget about tonight. Just to remind you Lemon Bar 7pm.-Kaz_

_Its 7:30pm Raggedy Man, Don't 0let me be the Girl who Waited AGAIN. –Kaz_

_MATT! 8:00pm! Congrats, you're officially an _HOUR _Late! What's gotten into you, Doctor? Please text me back if you can't make it-Karen_

I could tell she was at least a bit mad, she had dropped her nickname now.

_Matthew Smith, Arthur and I have been waiting for you for nearly 1 ½ hours. WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF RAGGED Y MAN! YOU PROMISED ME YOUD BE THERE. ON TIME. – The Angry Ponds. _

_"The Girl who Waited" I guess that's all I'll ever be won't it, Matt? _

The last one kind of hit me in the gut more than it should have, I mean she obviously was trying to make a joke using the entire doctor who references, but it just brought back all those should-have-been moments. I took a deep breath as the smell of sweaty bodies and alcohol entered my system, automatically walking to the booth furthest to the side of the dance floor. I was greeted by a very red-faced Kaz and half-asleep Arthur. He looked drunk and she just looked mad, viciously sipping the strawberry margarita in her hand.

"I'm sorry guys; I didn't mean to be late. Things just sort of came up." I slid across from Kaz and Arthur, who seemed to be rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, giving me a wry smile.

"_OF COURSE, _you didn't mean to be late. The famous Doctor never means to be late, on set _AND off set. _" Kaz sneered, she was furious.

"Look, I'm sorry okay? Moffat was being extra-", I began.

Kaz slammed her now empty glass down, "DON'T GIVE ME EXCUSES YOU…YOU…DRUNK GIRAFFE!" Using one of the nicknames she once coined in a rare interview. She obviously meant it to frazzle me, but Arthur was the first one to start laughing, and then we all were, giggling like it had been back in the day of _Amy and her boys. _I knew she couldn't stay mad at me, especially with Arthur here. Also she was drunk; no wonder all the Whovian references. She was half Amelia Pond now,

"But she is right mate, you are 2 hours late!" Arthur said between laughs.

"I know and I'm sorry, can we just not talk about that now?" I almost begged. I really needed something to distract me from Jenna and all the complicated stuff that was going on. I just wanted it to be like another night out, Karen and the Babes as tumblr people called our trio. I called a waitress over and ordered shots for all of us, Arthur's face surprised. Kaz seemed neutral, though her eyes betrayed her, filled with excitement.

"Are you sure Matt? I mean what about work?" Arthur began.

"I can take an off day, besides I think Moffat got what he needed today, he pushed us really hard. No one could blame us to take a day off"

"What about Jenna then? How is she holding up?" Kaz asked, genuinely interested. Jenna was the newest addition and Moffat was especially hard on her character as she did replace the Amy Pond.

"Oh…She's fine. I'm fine. Clara is good and all, Jenna's fine." I repeated vaguely, my eyes scanning the waitress who was heading our way, thank god, with our drinks.

"She seems to be a great companion; my sister was telling me how great she was in the Christmas Special alone" I tried not to think about the Christmas special, our first kiss, the first time I'd seen her sassy side, the hours we had practiced our lines, familiarizing ourselves with each other.

"Yeah, she's brilliant." I said this time, truthfully. I saw Kaz's eyes go up, god I hated how she knew me so well. Three words and she already knew something was up. I really needed to get lessons from Jenna on how to hide ones emotions, since she seemed to be able to do it so damn well.

Just like that, the drinks arrived at the table, and I saw the waitress flirtatiously wink at me before walking back to the bar. I'd usually wink back, or do something preposterous (as it was in my nature) but today I just gave her a tight lipped smile, before my fingers were surrounding the cool glass of strong liquor, which was burning down my throat within seconds.

"Whoa Matt! You can't get a head start!" Arthur joked; Kaz was looking a bit miffed at my sudden drinking enthusiasm. I'd never been one to get overly drunk on vodka or the stronger stuff, but rather a nice glass of wine in once and while. However tonight, for some reason, part of me was done making exceptions.

_Was it the stress?_

_Was it the whole thing about Jenna?_

I didn't know and I didn't care, as I slid two shot glasses at Kaz and Arthur, the answer evident in my eyes.

Swiftly, we all downed the glass of bitterness, our breathing coming out rapid, a glinting smile playing in our eyes, as we automatically reached for the next glass.

And the next.

_And the next_

**_And the next…_**

-Until our laughter was ricocheting off the confines of the small booth, our drunken states earning a few looks, but all of us feeling so high and free that we could care less. Or at least I could care less, as I clumsily got out of the suddenly tiny seat, a random urge to stretch my legs and loose myself into the music. I saw Kaz giggle as she glanced at her phone, the time briefly flashing past midnight. Perfect, I was _definitely _taking a day off tomorrow. I glanced at the two empty trays, and several already-drunk tequila shots. If I was counting right, there seemed to be at least 7-10 for each of us.

"So guys, what do you say we hit the dance floor?" The vast dance floor in the middle of the bar, far from where we were sitting, was semi-crowded with people, the music here different from the techno noise they played at usual clubs. The Lemon Bar itself was like something else, the whole layout big and open, with high ceilings and muted colors with splashes of yellow and black. It could work almost as a restaurant, if it wasn't for the fact that they served only alcohol, and drinks. During the day it was a place to hang out with friends, catch a quiet drink as the music was serene and lovely. At night though, it was a mix of that plus an almost like electric pulse that ran through my bones and up my spine, as I grabbed Kaz's warm arm and Arthur's out stretched hand, pulling both of them up and towards the vibrantly lit dance floor.

The air was warm and the bodies here weren't sexual teenagers, but rather those who truly wanted to get lost into the music, and to escape. _The Lemon Bar, where life gives you lemonade; _It was so iconic and true. We danced to the unknown beat, the three of our bodies happy and moving. It wasn't until much later, that Arthur started chatting to a cute blond next to us, and I and Karen were left alone, dancing together, just as a familiar song blurred through the speakers, not the kind of song you'd hear at clubs, but again the Lemon Bar was something different indeed.

We are frozen. This cannot be that song. No, no, no, Not that song. I was praying to god that this is just some joke and that I am too drunk and am hallucinating as the lyrics start playing, and I know, right away, that I am not drunk, and that this is real, and that this song is actually playing.

"Oh Kaz." I mumble, wanting to get away from her, but then she's grabbed my arms and we're slow dancing in this mob of people.

_My head is stuck in the clouds, she begs me to come down_

_ "_Says, "Boy, quit foolin' around", Kaz sang in that slightly tipsy, exhilarating Scottish voice of hers, a small smile on her face.

"I told her, "I love the view from up here. Warm sun and wind in my ear" I sang back, and she laughed, hiccupping, our bodies close but not too close, and that's when I realized that it was okay. Me and Kaz were okay now. Sure, we'd had our fun, but it wasn't as much as love, as attraction; Crazy, I've-known-you-for-4-years-and-your-really-drunk, kind of attraction. Dancing with her, arms around her waist, her red hair bouncing everywhere, I realized I'd never lose Karen, she'd always be there.

_We'll watch the world from above  
As it turns to the rhythm of love_

We both sang that part, and I was twirling her now, her red dress catching the beam of light, my heart stopping because it reminded me so much not of Kaz, but…

Clara…

…Jenna.

_My Impossible Girl_

Our times together, and that red dress she always wore, more often than needed, not caring if people asked "Weren't you wearing that dress yesterday?" "Yes, yes I was. Thank you for noticing", before walking off like it was a daily thing. I loved that about her, the way she was so nice and confident in front of people and media. I always thought that she carried that everywhere, and that it was deeply the way she was, until today, until now, where I'm learning and realizing that it's all a fake façade.

_We may only have tonight  
But till the morning sun, you're mine  
All mine  
Play the music low  
And sway to the rhythm of love  
_  
Me and Kaz twirled around to the rest of the song, and I laughed with her as we awkwardly but familiarly moved around and with each other, even though my heart wasn't completely in it. I hoped Kaz was drunk enough so she didn't notice.

"Wow, Matt, wow" she gasped as I turned her one last time to the song that played the night we had let our guards down and gave in to the obvious desire that was present between Amy and the Doctor and me and Kaz. In other words, to put it rather indelicately, we'd basically had sex to this song. Talk about nostalgia. But the only thing on my drunken state of mind was Jenna.

"What's wrong Matt?" Kaz asked, out of the blue, snapping me out of my reverie.

"Who…What?" I sputtered, damn she knew, there was a look on her eyes. I can't escape this now.

"You were late after you promised me that you wouldn't be. I ask you about Jenna you close up, and then order tequila shots for all of us when we started to talk to you. Your hiding something raggedy man, don't play games with me." Her voice came out factual, but caring and I couldn't help but pull her into a hug my voice drunk and whispery in her ear.

I was so unsure of whether to tell her or not, but I was drunk and she was drunk, and I just wanted someone to listen for once, truly, properly listen. I thought Jenna did that, we used to talk a lot about me messing up my back in soccer and she always used to make me feel better, and I never really opened up to people like that unless I've known them for a while, as it was, and forever will remain, the darkest and lowest part of my life. I and Kaz used to talk all the time too, but now that she's off set of Doctor Who, we hadn't met up in a while. Still, Kaz was like a drug, somehow she always seemed to make everything better for me, and now wouldn't be an exception. My thoughts are falling out of me.

"Kaz, Kaz, Kaz, it's Jenna. I can't even describe it but we've been getting so close and she's beautiful and so funny and charming, and she's so perfect for Clara, Kaz, Arthur's sister was right she really is brilliant as a companion." I couldn't breathe and didn't want to go on, but Kaz's hands were around my back, holding me close, letting me know that it's okay and that I had to get it out.

My feelings are spilling now with rushed whispers into the ears of Amelia pond, of Karen Gillan, my best friend.

I tell her everything, of how I and Jenna first met, the hours we spend talking and laughing over script reads, that night she spent at my place. Kaz laughed when I told her I didn't even pull one on her, staring at me with that suggestive Scottish expression of hers and I flustered, told her again and again

"I didn't do anything-we didn't do anything!"

"Sure, Matthew, sure" and then she was giggling and I was blushing madly as I spun her around again.

We were swaying to the music when I told her about how Jenna had seemed different lately, how her face had been falling, and how suddenly after that night she'd been distant and not cold necessarily but still something was wrong.

"She's different Kaz...I don't know what I did? But I can tell, her eyes, they're like I'm a stranger like she doesn't even want to get to know me, like those 6 months mean nothing to her? I don't...it isn't supposed to hurt me but it does Kaz, so much, I didn't realize that until now, until today, when she said no to coming here with me and I think I..I..." My voice is desperate and quick and I feel it rising. My heart is beating fast and I cannot think. The words, the words, those three little words, they are begging to be said, and I know then, that it is true.

" .._.I ...love her_" my voice is quiet, the words disappearing as fast as they come and Kaz's hands are around my neck, pulling me down, muttering its okay, it's okay, as I bury my face in her shoulder.

Then I was crying, like a little teenager, and I haven't cried since Kaz left but now I was, sobbing over a girl of all things, over Jenna Louise Coleman. I guess the alcohol got to my system as my brain was clouded with emotion, my rational thinking disappearing everywhere.

Suddenly my face was in Kaz's familiar hands and she was holding me, her eyes full of love and something else. Her mouth was opening to say something, probably advice or words of reassurance, but never got the chance to say it because-

- then my lips were on hers, a crushing force, of everything I had missed, things that should have happened, of loss and heartbreak. I am holding her so close now, not my Kaz because my eyes are closed, but in my head I see Jenna, I see my impossible girl kissing me back, her hands fisting into my shirt, her body melding so well into mine, and I want more_, I want so much more_ but-

-_The sharp sting on my left cheek_ brings me out of my fantasy, and I see Karen standing there, touching her lips, and her other hand next to my face, cupping it now, and murmuring, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for it to hurt so bad!" I felt embarrassed and odd, and completely out of my element.

"Kaz, Karen, I am so sorry. It's not your fault. It was mine." I said, trying to crack a smile, failing obviously.

"No Matt, it was both of our faults, we _are _drunk. Besides, I should be mad at you but I'm not." She said, her hands ruffling my hair like in the olden days.

"Why aren't you mad?" I looked at her, trying to figure her out, but as usual getting nothing but that crazy bunch of Karen sass.

"Because one, that was a hell of a kiss, and two, I'm pretty sure you didn't mean to kiss _me_."

HOW CAN KAREN GILLAN READ ME SO WELL? Was all my brain wanted to know? Still I tried to play the I-don't-understand card.

"What do you mean Kaz? I don't –"

"You weren't _thinking about me _when you kissed me. You were thinking about someone else, someone that you love, someone named Je-" her mouth suddenly turned into a surprised "O" and I looked at her curiously, until I saw the flash of the camera, and the annoying voice of the all too obsessive press,

"You meant to say 'Jenna Coleman' didn't you Karen Gillan. Is that true Matt Smith? Are you and Jenna Coleman, your co-star on the hit BBC show, _Doctor who, _in an intimate relationship? Please Sir, everyone wants to know. "The voice came from the blond who had been talking to Arthur, god she must have recognized him and since he was drunk gotten information about where we were. I didn't even know how long she had been listening to us, by Rassilon; I wonder how much she heard.

"You do know that is none of your bus-"I began, my voice shaking. Why now, why tonight of all nights did the paparazzi decide to infiltrate on my life? I seriously have bad timing.

"Can you please leave?" Kaz's voice broke in. Kaz's hands found mine behind my back, and she squeezed it, her way of saying _calm down, I'll handle this. _

A twisted smile came onto the blonds face and suddenly she wasn't so cute anymore, "You know I could leave, but then I wouldn't have a story to submit by my deadline, and I have to have a story of something related to you, Matt, since you are the talk of the country these days, and I could leave now with a perfectly good story, but I'm not sure you'd appreciate it"

"What do you mean?" Kaz's eyes glared, before it hit her in the face, or rather her lips, as her hands flew up to them. This girl had been spying on us, and she had a camera, she could spin out a story saying that I and Kaz were together since I did just kiss her. No, No, No, this was not happening. Jenna could read that story, and so could Kaz's boyfriend, no that would ruin both of our lives. I can't let that happen.

"What do you want to-"I began, my heart feeling like it was breaking. I couldn't have a simple night out with my friends could I? ; It's all because of people like sardonic Blondie over here that make Doctor Who not all rainbows and sunshine.

"_I'm sure _we can discuss this over a drink instead of out here in this crowded dance floor right?" Karen's sharp voice cut through my fumbling speech and I looked at her quizzically, but there was a forced smile to her face, the slightest of a wink passing my vision.

"I'm glad to see Ms. Gillan is cooperating, what about you Matt?" the sardonic blondie asked in that fake voice of hers, I would really like to punch her if she wasn't a _female reporter_.

I opened up my mouth to say something, but a sharp squeeze to my fingers told me to be silent as Kaz talked over me again, this time an obvious undertone in her voice.

"Why don't you go ahead and find Arthur Ms.? –"Kaz began, realizing she didn't know the girls name.

"-Eileen Cardiff" said the sardonic blonde.

"Well, Eileen, can I call you Eileen? You go find Arthur; it seems that I might've left my clutch at the bar, Matt could you _come with me_? It seems you also might've forgotten your coat there." Her voice was obviously an act, but the sardonic blond Eileen didn't seem to mind, and so that was how me and Karen ended up at the bar, where we hadn't even been all night, since the waiters just brought us our drinks.

Under the faded yellow lighting, Kaz whispered in my ear as we both pretended to look around for her clutch and my coat. "You have to leave right now, Matt okay? I and Arthur can handle her, trust me, we've dealt with their types more than once now that we're off the team, but you need to leave. Their scheming types, and with the finale and everything coming up you need to stay off the press. Besides if a story like that came up Moffat would have an aneurysm."

I tried to laugh at her jab at humor in this immensely awkward time, but only a question came out, "But what about the stories? I mean, she could still publish the one about… you and me." I hope my voice didn't sound as hard as it was.

She gave me a sad, but comforting smile, "Nothing will be leaked. I promise Matthew, now go."

I turned to leave, but realized that my actual coat was in the booth that we had been sitting in and that's what had my keys and everything. The only thing I had on me was my phone, and I know looked at Kaz and said guiltily, "um… Kaz, I don't have my keys"

"Here take mine" she said, pressing the key to her cute blue Volkswagen into my palm. "Now run raggedy man, I'll call you later tomorrow. "

She planted a soft kiss on my forehead, a wave of nostalgia passing between the both of us, before we both turned around and went our separate ways.

…..

**A short bit from the frazzled author:**

That has got to be the worst ending in the world. That has got to be horrible. Eek, I was so insecure with this chapter since I brought Kaz back, and Matt and her even have a moment in here, and god I don't even know. I hope it wasn't as awful as sometimes it might seem. Also the song that I used in here, the Matt and Karen song was**_ Rhythm of Love by Plain White T's. _**

**Still I'd like to thank all of the reviews and follows and favorites and Pms (3**0 follows! WOW that's the most I've ever gotten! ) and also **Kosovaheartland **my awesome fellow Matt and Jenna writer, who kept my spirits up with her brilliant PM's so _thank you! _If you haven't already you should and I'm telling you **SERIOUSLY YOU SHOULD, check out her fanfiction "If Time Could Heal" because it is BRILLIANT. **I absolutely love her work and like to refer to her as Moffats twin in the talk of her fanfiction ! :D

**AGAIN, I absolutely love you all for reading up until here, and I would love it even more if your dropped me a review because I read all of them and even reply to a bunch just because I love you guys so much, YOU ARE THE ONES WHO HELP ME WRITE THIS. Not just my crazy genius slightly eccentric writer mind;) **

I hope you have an absolutely marvelous and magnificent day my lovely readers,

**Xx Margo :) **


	5. All My Walls Stood Tall (Ch 3 Pt One)

**_A quick A/N:_**_ I kind of mess around with tenses (i.e Past, present, future) in here a bit, and before you ask Jasper is a character I made up and.. . that's all about I can tell you now! (trust me you'll understand it later as you read on!) ALLONS-Y!_

**_I do not and will never be able to own Matt Smith, Jenna Coleman, and/or Doctor Who so BBC, this is what I have to say to you: CALM YOURSELF MOFFAT! _**

**CHAPTER 3 Part One: All My Walls Stood Tall Painted Blue**

**Jenna's POV**

It was exactly 2: 43 am when my phone first rang on my bedside, I know it was exactly that time because I hadn't checked the clock since 10 which was when my tears had stopped falling and I thought it be safe to read a bit, to get my mind off of_ him. _

But then exactly now at 2:45 am, my phone is still buzzing violently on my bedside table and I am dropping _Jane Eyre _on my lap as I see the caller ID showing none other than that goofy picture we had taken during our first episode together on the motorcycle and his name: _Matt Smith ;). _ I should be picking the phone up, like any logical person, not staring at the little winky face after his name.

_Baby, I love you  
I never want to let you go  
The more I think about,  
The more I want to let you know...  
That everything you do,  
Is Super Duper cute  
And I can't stand it_

The words to this song repeat over and over again, until I can't tell what time is anymore , trapped in my mind. Thinking of how I even let him keep that song, of all songs, as his ringtone. Pondering over what could he be calling for at this ungodly hour? Worrying, Smiling, Frowning, but in the end just

_Nervous_

_Nervous_

_Nervous_

Then at 3:00 am, I give in to this piece of technology, my fingers frantically grabbing at the touchscreen, speed dialing him, my voice high and exploding as I said, "Hello, Hello, Hello?" my pulse racing and heart speeding and I'm thinking right now, _please be alive, please be okay._

"Hello?" finally comes the response, ten seconds later, and I let out a sigh and I can almost hear his grin, from the other side as he consoles me again just like that, "It's okay Jenna, I'm alive and fine." His voice has a different edge, a slightly more loose, freely, way his words slip out of his mouth, making me notice that this isn't the Doctor but rather Matt talking and my stomach does that little butterfly flip but my mind, my brain, still doesn't know what to think of that.

"Are you okay?" I ask again. Reassurance, my mind needs reassurance.

"Yeah Jenna, I am. I just said so didn't I?" His voice echoes his mood is what I have learned over the course of these months spending so much time with him, and he sounds so mixed- a happy sad, that I am worried.

" So then, " I swallow back the tears,

_God Jenna, it's been 5 hours and you still feel like crying over him? You can't have him; it's not right for him. _

"What are you calling for?" My voice does not sound like a dead toad, and for that I am thankful.

"You see Jenna love, I'm in a bit of a pickle" he laughs, and it is at that moment, I know that he is drunk, very drunk, or acting like it anyway, and I am very worried now.

_Love, Love, Love, You see he's drunk he has to be because Jenna, he will never love you once he finds out the truth. Never Never Never. _

"What's wrong? You are okay right?" I must sound like his mother, and I think that he would be annoyed.

He laughs again, the sound like broken wind chimes, as if he is missing something in his laughter. Or maybe it's the alcohol. "Jenna Louise Coleman, you worry for me too much. "

"Someone has too" the words have fallen out of my mouth swiftly, and involuntarily, and I hear him pause on the other side of the line. Where is he?

_Jenna, you don't care about him. Tell him you have to go to bed and that it's late. _

"Well, I'm glad it's you then. "He says, and his voice sounds more complete, and just like Matt. My-

_Don't even go there Jenna, we went over this, HE IS NOT YOURS. Never will be. Never Never Ne-_

-My Matthew Smith.

I am challenging my demon inside me, I know I am, just this once, not for me, but because of Matt Smith and how he has worried me. It is a different feeling.

"What's going on Matt?" I ask, my voice lighter already.

"So well, you see, I went to the bar with Kaz and Arthur. And then we were there, having a good time, this crazy reporter corners me and Kaz and says that if we don't start talking she's going to post some bullshit story about me in the news." His voice is hard, and I notice the change as he goes on about his story, falling back into the same easy going tone ", and Kaz and Arthur handled it in the end apparently, but I had to rush out of there from the back entrance and didn't have anything with me but my phone and Kaz's keys to her car since all my stuff was in my coat which was at the booth where crazy reporter chick was. "

"What do you need me for?" I asked as I lay back down on my bed, my head hitting the pillows.

"Well magnificent Jenna Coleman, as I said before, all my stuff, including my car keys and things were in the coat pocket. I didn't think about the other things until I arrived at my flat, realizing-"

"-that you didn't have your key! And so you're locked out now. Wow, how great of you Matt." I couldn't help but giggle. My Clumsy Boy, clumsy and brill-

_He is not YOURS._

I pushed the memory down, I would not think about anything. I will live in the present. Not for me, but for him.

"And so, I called the first person on my mind, who I hoped would be the same impossible girl I know and love by maybe letting me crash at her place for the night?" His voice tilted up, into that adorable tone of his and I let myself enjoy it for once.

"And what if she didn't?" I teased.

"We'll just have to see then won't we?" his voice sounded amused, and I laughed.

_ Why are you laughing Jenna? No one wants –_

"So then Matt, where are you?" I asked just a bit too quickly. If he noticed he didn't mind.

"Oh you know, about to round the block and park in front of your house", he said casually, as I leaped off the bed, heading straight toward the bathroom.

"WHAT? Oh wow, well played, Chin Boy" the surprise was evident in my voice, and he chuckled at my surrendering tone.

"See you in 7 minutes?"

"Yes, don't make me wait up on you. "

"Never in my dreams, my impossible girl" he said sincerely, and I was cracking then, fissures running through my heart.

"Okay, later Chin Boy. "My voice a bit forced now, as the phone call ended and my brain bombarded me with its thoughts, my confidence driving lower and lower.

_He is drunk Jenna, remember, He doesn't really like you_

_Why are you flirting with him? Remember what that got you last time? _

_Stop smiling, Jenna, it might give people the idea that you're actually happy with the way you are. _

_He is not yours. And you are not his. Never will be. _

And so many more things ran through my brain, and I shut them out again, my nails grounding into my palm as I begged myself to be able to stop the thoughts for once; the voices, the thoughts from all the years past. My eyes are squeezed closed, and I tell myself 5 seconds, and if it doesn't work I will not let him in, I will simply go to sleep, I will not associate myself with Matthew Smith.

I begin to count.

5

_Jenna, don't make the same mistake twice._

4

_You are a broken girl, he does not want you. _

3

_Have you seen yourself? You are not worth it. _

2

_Remember Jasper, Jenna? Remember him? Now remember how it felt when-_

1

My eyes flew open and I shut it out, I shut out everything, my heart racing, my mind forgetting. A crazy, alive kind of spirit is running through my veins, my brain is gone, I have shut it down, I have shut down all the memories, everything but Matt. I am not doing this for me; I whisper to myself, I am doing it for him. Why? Because something is telling me that tonight, I may not need him, but rather _he needs me. _

_…._

_And all my walls stood tall painted blue  
and I'll take them down, take them down and open up the door for you_

_…._

**_NOW A SHORT ANNOUNCEMENT FROM YOUR slightly eccentric and extremely odd AUTHOR:_**

**Hello my lovely marvelous readers!**

As you can see, this chapter was not even a complete chapter, but rather a part, because it seems that its easier for me to write them like that, also while keeping you as a reader, *hopefully* interested! So that's how it's going to go on from here, but maybe I'll upload full chapters if its necessary you know…If you think otherwise, please tell me in a review or PM me! After all, I am writing this for you brilliant people. Also the lyrics at the end were from the song, **Everything has Changed by Taylor Swift ft. Ed Sheeran **and also is the inspiration for this fic partly, if you cant tell already :) Also Jenna's ringtone for Matt is **Can't Stand It by Never Shout Never. ****  
**

**_On another note, _****Can I please just send each and every one of you brilliant readers, even though theres been ****_over 500 OF YOU PRETTY PEOPLE _****A GIANT PIZZA BECAUSE **every one loves pizza and I just love you guys so so so so much. Even if you don't review, you still acknowledge my writing and read it, and that's brilliant. And for those who reviewed and favorite and followed ,**There aren't enough words in the English language or any language..(well maybe gallifreyan :) to describe how thankful and absolutely happy I am to hear your input**!  I try to reply to your reviews and if I didn't I'd like to tell you thank you here right now!

Sorry for another cliff hanger, and as always **_I LOVE TO HEAR WHAT YOU GUYS HAVE TO SAY, so don't be shy to tell me what you think, honestly, so either Review or PM me! _**

**Thank you for sticking with me my lovelies!**

**Xx, Margo. **


	6. Making Up for Lost Time (Ch 3 Pt Two)

***I LOVE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU AND I AM SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING. REALLY I AM. ****_Look at the message at the end of the chapter explaining why!*I think I've made you wait long enough! ON WITH THE CHAPTER _****_ALSO I MIGHT RANDOMLY CHANGE POVS WELL THEY'RE NOT COMPLETELY RANDOM BUT STILL BE WARNED, it just kinda happens by accident oops :P_**

**Chapter 3 Part 2: Making up for Lost Time **

Jenna Coleman had barely just gotten out of the bathroom before the ring of a bell reached her ears, her body feeling as if had been injected with energy. She didn't even have time to glance back at the mirror above her bathroom sink one last time before her feet were almost running down the wooden stairs to swing open the door for him, still not being able to believe that she was doing this again.

_Jenna stop_- almost began that voice in her head but she pushed it down some more and tried to think of Matt who was standing outside there, waiting for her, not the past that continued to follow her wherever she went. Matt was asking for her help, and what kind of friend would she be if she left him outside to the darkness and cramp ness of a small car?

The door seemed to open by its own then, her taking a silent vow to live in the present and leave the past for the morning- the uncertainty of the immediate future sending her heart beating faster. She used to be better at these things, the flirting, the playing along, but it's just been almost like an extra weight ever since that night after she spent at Matt's, it was supposed to be one of the normal cute friend things they did together, and it had been too for a while, but then that…phone call -

_Don't think about the past!_ She reminded herself again, and the thought completely evaporated as she took in the dazzling creature that stood in front of her.

_Oh, my God, I feel it in the air_

_Telephone wires above are sizzling like a snare_

He gave her a cheeky grin, one that never reached his sharp green eyes, almost calculating, and she tried not to stare, as she took his meant to be disheveled state, he didn't look drunk at all. Sure his hair was a bit messy, but he was wearing a dark purple V-neck tee that hung off his lean frame, yet hugged him just right. The dark jeans that lay low on his pants, and the way he kept rubbing his hands over his arms could imply that he was cold. He looked stunning as usual, as that was the way Matthew Smith rolled, his style outrageous and him. So much like a drunken giraffe indeed.

"Hello Matt!" She managed to perk out; trying to hide behind that oak door of hers.

"Hey Jenna, could I come inside? It's a bit..." He began; it was obvious he was cold. She chastised herself on the fact that she had been so ignorant.

"Oh yes! Blimey, I almost forgot! Come on in." she said hurriedly and he smiled, almost genuine, before stumbling just bit after into her house. _OKAY _so he was drunk, and a little bit more than a bit.

"Whoa there, your house is pretty shaky Jen" he joked, and she immediately reached out to steady him, his lean arm around her petite shoulders.

"Oh Matthew, what am I going to do with you." She said in a teasing voice. She knew it sent him on the edge using his full name.

"I don't know Jenna, whatever you want I suppose" he stared at her suggestively an obvious wink following pursuit, of which reduced her cheeks to red tomatoes. Maybe using his full name _had _been a bad idea.

"Oh shut up Matt! Let's get you some tea, your beyond your usual drunk" she exclaimed as she led him slowly into the living room to the right. She was focused on making sure he didn't trip on the carpet or over a chair, because a drunk Matt is his Norma clumsiness times a million, and she had never been quite strong around injured people. It was a fun few minutes, both of them giggling because Matt let out the occasional "Ow Jenna!" when he hit something in the mildly lit room.

He was soon plopped down on the comfy leather couch, the lamps around the room lit just at the right ambience to not hurt his eyes. Jenna flitted around the kitchen in the low lighting whipping him up some tea and he hoped jammy dodgers. He rather was in love with jammy dodgers.

She was moving around the kitchen, feeling rather exhilarated. She felt like she was actually doing something, like she was important, even though it was a small task, she was bent on doing right. She tried not to think of how or what she looked like, because thinking about that would only come in the way. She had loved to cook once in a while, the kitchen always being her safe place, but lately, she could only ever cook if it was Ramen, tea, or soufflés for Clara's character.

By the time she had the jammy dodgers on a plate and the cups of tea on a tray, turning to look at Matt was she surprised that he hadn't fallen asleep. I'm fact, he was staring at her really, quite intently and the words began to fumble out of her mouth,

"The...tea...I've...yes the tea, I've got the tea… and jammy dodgers. Drink up, you'll feel better." she placed the cookies and tea cups on the coffee table in front of her and retreated to sit on the opposite end of the couch, even though the place next to him looked more than inviting. She was determined to make it through this night without any of the negative banter that usually haunted her. She had to learn how to let go of him.

_I see this life  
Like a swinging vine  
Swing my heart across the line_

As she sat down sipping her tea, opposite of him, Matthew Smith's drunken mind began to clear up as the caffeine entered his system. However, it did not make him any less drunk. The only thing that was starting to clear up and was clearly evident in his thoughts, as his eyes gazed away at her, was just how _beautiful _Jenna Louise Coleman was looking in her disheveled 2 in the morning state. He was not supposed to be thinking like this, was he? Sure he was drunk, and coming in he'd seen Jenna, but right now, he didn't think he really saw her, until she was here sitting in front of him, zoning out completely staring at a point in the wall that he couldn't actually pinpoint. He wasn't supposed to be staring at her, but he was now, because there was something in the air, something in this room with her, that was making him see things that he never noticed before. Her hair was a mess, a tangle of brown curls that he so very badly wanted to run his hands through, piled on the base of her neck in a bun. Her eyes look tired, shielded again, but he could care less about what she was hiding right now, because it was their color of melted chocolate that made him inch closer to where she sat. It was obvious she had hastily grabbed a robe off the hanger when he had called her, and his hands itched to untie the knot and let-

"Matt?" Jenna's voice came out just a bit surprised and just a bit loud. She stared at him, and he realized how awkward he must look, halfway to where she was sitting, and god forbid the look that must be on his face. His ears turned scarlet, as he scooted away as fast as he could.

"Oh Jenna! I didn't mean too… I mean... I'm drunk and I… just lost in thought. " he mumbled, his limbs stretching oddly out in front of him as he leaned back into the couch, almost as if he wished it to swallow him whole.

"What were you thinking about?" she asked, surprising him.

_Well I was thinking about just how great it would be if I could kiss your right now. _Instead he said, "Oh you know… just stuff, boring stuff, you know, and stuff." He hoped she would accept vague answers tonight, like she usually did.

Oh, the odds were definitely not in his favor tonight.

"Give me a break, Matt Smith, the ELEVENTH DOCTOR, thinking about _boring _stuff? That's got to be the biggest understatement of the universe" She edged on. What was with her tonight? She never really pondered much on his thoughts or on his pasts, and he never asked about hers.

"I was just thinking about…football really; how I can't play and all because of my back. "was the confession that suddenly fell apart.

Jenna looked at him quizzically, wondering why his words sounded so bitter. She knew that Matt had a serious back injury that ended his football career, and was also partly the reason that he is in acting today, but considering from the success he had, she never thought he would still think about that teenage dream of his.

"I know what you're thinking, just like the rest of them. _But why do you care Matt? You're the eleventh doctor, one of the most recognized faces of Britain, heck you've even met the Queen! I doubt you'd get that fame if you played football!" _his voice was suddenly filled with emotion, that took Jenna aback. When was the last time she had wondered how cool, calm, clumsy and hilarious, matt smith really felt? She always thought…

"But it's not about that you know? It's not about the fame, or the team, or the trophies. Well, a little bit about the trophies, but really it was about the sport. I loved that game, like I loved myself. Probably a bit more and that would explain why I screwed up my back. It made sense for me, Jenna. It was easier than remembering the ABCs and everyone said that I had a talent. An instinct, a second heart, that was football to me. Imagine all of that being ripped away from-"he was going on, suddenly on his feet before he realized just who he was talking to, just how much he could reveal, and just how bad the timing was. Here Jenna, was helping him out and he was so unceremoniously dumping all his stupid feelings on her, because yes, his feelings were stupid, he should be happy and joyful, he had the best job in the world and people loved and adored him all around. _I must be happy. I must be. Shut up Matthew, you're probably scaring her. _

"Oh god, Jenna, sorry for dumping all of those idiot thoughts on you, you just asked me a simple question, I don't know what I was thinking telling you all of that crap. Sorry, Sorry." He stood there, on the other side of the coffee table, and she still was sitting down, the expression on her face unreadable. He was hoping he hadn't screwed up too monumentally, but if he did, he knew there was only one thing that could lighten this awkward mood. Without a moment's hesitation, because he knew if he thought about it for another second he would talk himself out of it, he grabbed her hand and pulled her out the front door, the words sudden on his lips, "Come on Jenna, and let's dance."

_I got my red dress on tonight  
dancing in the dark in the pale moonlight  
done my hair up real big beauty queen style  
High heels off, I'm feeling alive_

**So a note from your stupidly late and need-to-post-more Author who loves you all more than she will ever love herself: **

**SO GUYS, HELLO! Let's start off with the sorry's because there is so much that I feel horrible for. ONE: ****_SO SO SO SORRY for not posting! _**I have a pretty dumb but crappy excuse for not posting here and it basically goes down to the shitstorm known as HIGHSCHOOL! So, for you all that don't know, I just started 9th grade, like 2 weeks ago, and my teachers love drowning me in work, and yes I am pretty stressed because highschool is really intense her in the US and I have to keep my grades up or else Im screwed and also have to participate in extra curricular activities to seem "well rounded" I wish fanficiton would count as an extracurricular activity. **So sorry about that. **

**TWO: ****_SO SORRY THAT THIS CHAPTER WAS SHORT. _****And it was just…eck, Idk I felt like I really wasted this chapter. I know that it will get better from now on, like I will figure out a schedule, and I think that I will try to post every week- to – two weeks just depending how awful my life is. **

Life really has just been, screwing me over, these past weeks. Everything is just… I wish people would stop yelling, I wish some people would stop living, and I just wish that everything could be standard and okay and _sure _for once you know? Oh I'll stop talking about my feelings now because I doubt you guys care about my incessant and unnecessary chatter (see why I put these things at the END of the chapter :)

**BUT THE BIGGEST PART OF THIS, THE BIGGEST PART OF WHY I STILL WRITE, OF WHY I STILL THINK THAT MAYBE I CAN DO THIS IS BECAUSE OF ALL YOU LOVELY AND BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE WHO READ IT AND REVIEW AND PM ME AND YOU ALL ARE JUST FABULOUS AND SO FABULOUS AND I LOVE YOU ALL. LITERALLY FOR EVERY FOLLOW, FOR EVERY FAVORITE, FOR EVERY SINGLE SENTENCE IN A REVIEW OR PM, I AM JUST ABSOLUTELY HUMBLE AND GREATFUL. I write this for you all. You all are really what make me smile everyday with your cute reviews and KOSOVAHHEARTLAND, HISGIRLSTM, REDAUGUST102, AND ALL OTHER PMS THANK YOU FOR BEING BRILLIANT. **

_Especially Kosovaheartland, I cannot even fathom into words how glad I am for your friendship. Really, I just cannot. I know I haven't been on here a lot and that I haven't reviewed your brilliant story, and I WILL! I just don't have time :( and that is quite sad to me, and I hope you understand. Pleas continue writing, even though I might not review, I have read all your updates and absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE the plotline! You are fabulous, a true talent is what you have!_

**And wow, so yeah this has been long. Really, REALLY, long. And if you read to the bottom, YOU GO PERSON! So anywho, please REVIEW, PM, FOLLOW, FAVORITE, OR WHATEVER IT IS THAT YOU FEEL LIKE DOING (heck message me on tumblr even: .com) TO LET ME KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT MY STORY. I don't mind flames or hate whatever, just tell me what you think because your opinions matter a ton to me! I love you even if you don't but I really would love it if you do. **

**Thank you so much for still sticking with this oddball, **

**Xx Margo. **


	7. All I know is Pouring Rain (Ch 4)

**SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY! I feel TERRIBLE for not updating earlier! *more in the authors note at the end* OH AND This chapter heh heh…kinda gets intense towards the end, ****_just sayinggggg_**

**CHAPTER 4: All I Know Is Pouring Rain…**

He was pulling her hand, jerking her out of whatever thought she had on his outburst, and dragging Jenna out the door. His legs were still a little wonky and she had to more than once tell him to avoid that wall or stop tripping over his own toes, and for some reason, even though she was more than capable of staying behind and holding him steady, she let this wild boy draw her along.

They were outside now, in her backyard, quite unlikely to have a backyard in house this close to the city, but what can she say, she got lucky. And she felt so lucky now, here under the stars, with a boy who felt like danger, and with a night that felt like relief; Relief from the grief's she had, relief from her mind, her lies, Jasper, the past, him, just relief; pure, untouchable relief. She knew she should be worried about the way Matt had been eyeing her, the forbidden sense of desire obviously shrouded in his eyes. She knew she should be worried about the way he had that outburst, such unfiltered emotion- completely unusual for Matt, a first she might think. It let her to the feeling that he wasn't completely composed tonight; there was hidden message, a hidden plunge, one that was going to change everything.

_All I know is we said, "Hello."  
So dust off your highest hopes_

"It's beautiful isn't it?" Matthew said, staring up at the sky, which was unusually clear. There was something about the way the air was moving, that led him closer to Jenna, her petite hands automatically wrapping around his slender ones.

"It is. I've never really seen the stars like this." Her eyes stared at the constellations above, as she continued to talk," I used to love to go stargazing, but then it just seemed that-"her brow furrowed.

"-You never have the time anymore." He finished, knowing the exact feeling. With scripts to be memorized, autographs to be signed, and so many scenes to be filmed, time can escape anyone. Matt wasn't watching the stars anymore though, he was watching her and how she had just so subtly opened up to him a bit more. His fingers were pulling out his phone and pressing shuffle as the music poured out and her hands grabbed his, both of them automatically swaying almost as if she had predicted what was going to happen. Later he would wonder what would have happened if she hadn't decided to take the first move.

_When I had you to myself  
I didn't want you around  
Those pretty faces always make you  
Stand out in a crowd_

"Oh my god, no." she whisper laughed as she heard the tunes of her childhood jam over the speakers of his phone, stepping away from Matt for a second.

"What? Do you not like…'I Want You Back' by the Jackson Brothers. Oi! It's a classic you know." He said finally realizing the tune, the familiar tempo.

"No, no, it's not that, I love them really. Honestly it's just as a teenager I used to dance to this song everywhere. "She paused reminiscing the times her mum used to yell at her to turn the volume down, "Literally, up in my room I used to just be jumping around and singing into my hairbrush. There was just something about this song that made me want to have fun and dance and just go crazy and live."

_But some one picked you from the bunch  
One glance was all it took  
Now it's much too late for me  
To take a second look _

"Well then," he said grabbing her once again, a small yelp escaping from Jenna, and Matt smiled, it was so adorable and cute and perfect and he wanted to kiss her so bad. But he didn't because, even in his drunken state there was something telling him to stop from taking it so far. "Let's have fun and dance and just go crazy and live."

_Oh baby give me one more chance  
Won't you please let me  
Back in your heart  
Oh darling I was blind to let you go _

_But now since I see you in his arms _

"I Want You Back, Oh I do now." She sang along and he twirled her around, her loose robe winding around her like a dress, and he was singing with her then, "I want you back  
Ooh ooh baby ". It was unlike anything before, this rush of emotion at her, with his lean arms around her, his slender frame so close to hers, nothing separating them but…what was separating them?

The song ended with their laughter echoing well above the sound of Matt's poor iPhone could play, leading them to just hum along and sway in each other's arms.

"This is so prom night, don't you think?" murmured Matt, as the music stopped and the breeze guided them in each other's embrace.

"If it was a pajama prom sure, because I'm pretty sure I'd never go to prom in my underwear." Jenna giggled, and Matt tried to ignore the blush that ran across his cheeks. He'd almost forgotten that she was in her night clothes. On a normal day, he'd be far more than flustered and step away from her almost at once, but tonight, he found himself leaning closer, inhaling the scent of lavender and Jenna as the night drew on. The fluttering in heart was growing stronger and stronger with each moment passing by, until the sound of his heart echoed a drum.

Matt pulled back, his hand hesitantly cupping her doll-like face, so fragile, so mischievous, so much _Jenna. _He looked into her chocolate brown eyes, all words failing him. God, she was so beautiful. He knew it was cheesy, and he was probably far more than the usual drunk, but if anyone could ask him who was the prettiest, most beautiful, most perfect, girl in the whole of this cosmos he would say it was her, this impossible girl, who he wanted to know every inch of every second of every day. He wanted her, so much. All these jumbling thoughts of all things Jenna were buzzing in his head, as he stood there, his head tilted down, staring at her magnificence at this ungodly hour.

Jenna Louise Coleman was trying not to run as she saw Matthew Smith looking down at her, absolutely mesmerized by her every feature. She knew it was a mistake, letting her lead him on like that, and look where she was now. She was paralyzed. The memories of her past were back, and she was seeing his face instead. Matt's green brown eyes transform into ones that are ice blue. His floppy brown hair turns into the silky jet black in which she loves sliding her fingers through, she _loved _sliding her fingers through, and the crashing reality is coming back; that night, the mistakes, her fault _her fault, herfault, faultfaultfaultfault. _

She has to run. She knows it. He is haunting her again. She cannot stand here and let Matt give her what she know she wants, but then his face is getting closer and closer and she doesn't …oh my, she doesn't turn away. Her body doesn't want to. The next morning, she will wonder why she makes so many mistakes. Stupid Jenna, always screwing up, always letting the ones who love her get hurt. Stupid Jenna and her stupid selfish heart.

He is about to kiss her, he is, finally having the guts and drunken mind to do so, and she looks scared almost, confused, vulnerable, and angry, but his mind does not register any of this, will not remember any of this, but only the cold spray of water as the sprinklers turn on all around them, and her hands fist into his hair and crushing her lips to his, the heat between them unbelievably palpable.

_All I know is pouring rain and everything has changed_

They do not stop, the sprinklers doing nothing but egging them on, a passion is alive, one that Matt mistakes is love, one that Jenna knows is regret. Their clothes stick to them, as their lips clash in a frenzy, that is not beautiful in the least, only escape, as part of her knows he won't remember any of this in the morning.

"Jenna" Matt breathes, through this war, his lips peppering kisses along her neck, as she hurriedly tries to pull his shirt off, just before Matt stops her. "Not here, not here, it's wet and muddy, and –"

She understands, not missing a beat, muttering "my room, now." Matt's eyes widening at her aggressive, husky tone, so unlike the bubbly Jenna he encounters every day. He would be lying if he said he didn't like it. Taking-charge Jenna was so much _more _impossible to resist.

He scooped up her small, sexy, little body, bridal style, as she giggled and kissed him all the way past the dining hall. They never did get to the bedroom, stairs too much for Jenna she seemed, who wanted Matt right now. She pushed him against the wall of her living room, her hands pulling of his wet shirt, fingers tracing every outline, earning a groan out of Matt. Sure, he was enjoying himself but no way was he going to let her control everything.

Soon their roles were flipped, his lanky, lean body towering over hers, hoisting her legs around him. The tie around her robe that he had thought was off limits a few hours ago was quickly let loose, letting Jenna's robe to fall around her. Her hair is wet and drying, curling in these perfect waves around her, her tiny petite frame so beautiful and amazing and just _oh god _as he takes in every inch of her complexion.

Jenna tried not to squirm, wishing she had picked knickers that had matched her bra, but Matt's reliable voice once again in her ear, soothing and gentle, one that she greedily found solace in. "You are beautiful Jenna Louise Coleman, and don't you let anybody tell you otherwise."

His words left her staring at his disheveled hair, silky to touch, his dark green eyes, his pale skin, as he carried her over to the couch. She knew what was coming, but she didn't expect Matt to say,

_"You don't have to do this you know? You don't. " _

The words shook her ground , and her mouth flew out with "what?"

"I don't want to force you into doing anything, Jenna. Any other girl, probably would briefly mention this since I am uh Drunk, but with you, oh Jenna, I know you have secrets. You have so many secrets. And I want to know them all, because I can see you changing every time they come up, before you bury them quickly down again. " Matt was babbling now, he knew. But all his worries were coming out right before he was to make love to the girl of his dreams, and he just didn't fucking know why.

"Matt stop, stop." Jenna tried. She didn't want to hear it. She didn't want to hear the pity speech. She'd heard it enough. Enough with the people who knew what had happened, and now were just not willing to let it go.

That's what she always wanted. To let go. To move on. But how could someone move on… after what had happened?

She thought she could tonight, with Matt and sex and something like love, but _pain demands to be felt. _And she was so sick of feeling. One night, that's all she wanted. _One CHANCE._

"Jenna, I worry about you. I love you, you know? I see you, when you don't think I'm looking. There is a strange sadness on your face. Of something lost, of something missing. I don't know what it is, but it probably has to do with the faint scars, on your thighs, yeah I noticed. I have noticed. I just thought your cat scratched you, but when I look now," matt glanced at her legs, as she tried to move away, but Matt's arms had trapped her body below him. "there are so many more. Jenna, Jenna, what happened to you? Why won't you say? I don't know, but I want to help you. I love you. I love you." He looked so much more confused now, his whole body felt so weak all of a sudden. Everything was hazy, he could barely move almost.

Jenna cried silently as she pushed him off her, easily now as the medicine had set in, laying him down on the couch, comfortably. He was going to be sleeping there after all.

"Matt, Matt, hush now, okay." She whispered, wiping her tears away. She hated the world. She hated everything.

"Jenna? Why are you so…why do I feel so…tired all of sudden? Jen, what's going on? Jen-?"

Jenna placed the blanket over his drowsy form. "Just sleep Matt. Sleep. Your tired and drunk and you need sleep okay?"

"No, I need you." He retorted and she tried not to wince. _This is for the best Jenna, this is for the best. _

"You don't need anyone Matthew Smith. And neither do I. Some people just need to be alone." She snapped, and he flinched.

She couldn't help it, she bent down and gave him one last kiss, the taste of him lingering on her tongue, something she would never forget.

_Something he will never remember._ She thought as she stood up, glancing down at Matthew Smith's sleeping form.

**A QUICK NOTE FROM THE SUPER LATE AND STUPID AUTHOR **

**OH WELL THAT WAS INTENSE. I hope you liked it. It took me a while to find time to sit down and write all of it. CAN I JUST SAY, that I think I have some of the greatest readers in the world. **Why?Well because you guys still reviewed even when I hadn't put up a chapter in ages, and you guys well I don't know, but whenever I feel like shit I just look at what you guys write to me, because your words, though to you may just be words,** they mean ****_so so so much to me. _****LITERALLY, I AM NOT EVEN JOKING**. Then you guys, are always just so supporting and happy and nice and **I WISH I COULD BAKE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU CHEESECAKE BECAUSE YOU GUYS ARE JUST SO BRILLIANT. I don't think I can say that enough. ****_Thank you. THANK YOU._**

I am so humble and happy that you guys actually like what I write, because I have never been confident in what I write, speaking of, **again if you guys have anything to say, any feedback, criticism, ANYTHING at all ****_PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE _****REVIEW/PM ME ! REVIEW OKAY, I read every single one of them :) **You guys have some really good points, and as an author I appreciate everything you say!**ALSO I APPRECIATE EVERY FOLLOW/FAVORITE LITERALLY 77 follows!? That makes my day :)**

** Honestly, **_I wish I could say I knew when I'm going to update next…. _It's just really hard to find time, but fear not I will find time. I promise it will not be more than a month. The story _is _just getting started :D

Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter, I know I had some fun times writing it. **What do YOU think is going to happen next?** **LET ME KNOW IN THE REVIEWS/PM? **

**_Thanks for sticking with me again my lovelies :3_**

**Margo xx**

**Ps: **for those who want my tumblr it is ohmyharrystyles (that's my url) just add the dot –tumblr-dot-com after it :) It's my main blog so you can talk to me there too (yeah I am a one directioner, it just seems that everything that's british has a strange appeal to me #edsheeran #doctorwho #1D #jacksgap)


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